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"I love that we have one word where a sexy image pops into your head." Dixie goes every night and wants a man who will do the same. 1 dating advice I have for women is go for the younger stuff," says the San Rafael resident who has been married for 10 years to a woman he met at one of his singles parties. And then, Jennifer maps out a schedule for herself: p.m. The crowd is mixed evenly between men and women, but several of the men are older than 50. "Usually that tends to be someone under 30," she says. Ideally, he says, women should hook up with someone at least five years younger; many men in their 40s and older are out of shape and out of energy. One said he was there to enjoy the singles atmosphere. She's one of many in the North Bay, according to Rich Gosse, whose Marin-based nonprofit Society for Professional Singles just threw its first cougar party in Marin at the Spinnaker in Sausalito, his fifth in the Bay Area. According to therealcougarwoman.com, a cougar is "sexy, smart, independent and over 40." Valerie Gibson, a Canadian journalist whose 2001 book "Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men," says the term is believed to have been coined in Vancouver, British Columbia, bars as a derogatory term. Casual sex in America would be better if a guy could handle a woman touching him. Women need affection." While Jennifer, Michelle, and Stephanie extol the virtues of casual encounters of the largely unclothed kind, Lexie politely dissents.

A cougar exudes self-confidence, which makes her a highly desirable conquest to a younger man.

"Men are weaker and die younger." Gosse says that urban cougars are a social trend that is sweeping the nation. A few women complain there aren't enough young males. I'm a young piece of meat." Ben, 27, dressed as if he's just walked off the set of "Starsky and Hutch," the 1970s TV hit, with oversized and darkened glasses, a polyester print shirt and jeans, has his reasons, too.

Part of it is demographic: As women age, there are close to four women for each man in their same age group. But there are a few, like James, a trim, short 25-year-old who does not hesitate to offer why older women appeal to him. ""Older women are less dramatic and have less bullshit than women my own age," says Ben, who recently moved to San Francisco from Lake County. I'm looking for FWB, friends with benefits." Cougars will be FWB on their own terms because they're "taking the reins of the relationship and turning it upside down," Gibson writes.

Jennifer, a striking 39-year-old brunette, knows what she wants in a man. But that doesn't mean I can't have substance and quantity," Jennifer says.

"I prefer my men black, young and fun," says the divorced Mill Valley interior designer, wearing a low-cut gray top and perched seductively on a barstool at Mill Valley's Pizza D'Angelo's. I want to have fun and explore." Jennifer, single after 14 years of marriage, is a cougar - and proud of it. Stephanie, caught between looking for love and her biological urges, says, "The concept of casual sex is very difficult to attain.




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