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Though branded a liberal and open-minded city, coming into adulthood in a space rife with hook-up culture meant that this open-mindedness merely translated into sexual curiosity for my Black body, not respect of it. I also accepted that, perhaps I would have to “settle” for a partner: You know, find a fixer upper as many Black women around me had begun to do.“I’d love to be with a Black girl; I never have before,” another white male suitor proclaimed with a grin. Some of my closest Black girl friends were having kids with men who had other “baby mommas”, few job prospects and always felt like their manhood was being threatened by their partner’s success.White men are most numerous on mainstream dating sites like OKCupid and and that’s where daters go to look for them.Black women looking to date interracially are up for some stiff competition.

Most people who are honest with themselves know that black women have the lowest SMV of any female in the western hemisphere and maybe even the world.

Just because WE feel that we are successful, independent, professional and educated doesnt mean thats were attractive to men, or even datable for that matter.

I have learned that it is our EXTERIOR that gets a man's attention (smile, look, personality, non-bitchy attitude, confidence and overall attractiveness) and our INTERIOR (our love for God, family, friends, being honest, supportive, respectful, emotionally stable, goal-oriented) that keeps a man coming back for more.

That first real relationship would be one of many where my black womanhood became a liability.

Where it meant I was somehow not worthy of love or commitment. “I can’t really date a black girl seriously,” a Jewish guy I went out on a date with during college explained over drinks, “My family definitely wants me to marry a nice Jewish girl, but I’m open to having some fun.” He was one of the many non-Black men I tried to date while in college in New York City, after having a hard time finding available young black men to date on my college campus, since black women have far outpaced Black men in college enrollment by a ratio of 2:1.

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Sure, doctors and first responders deal with intense situations where if they make a mistake, someone might lose their life.

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Ross was a recipient of the 2007 Kennedy Center Honors.

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